Strawberry Armageddon?
by MiyakoEenYurFayce
Summary: Amu's run out of strawberries, so she goes to buy some. But little does she know that a certain cat boy is there as well. What's up with all the strawberries? WARNING: Contains licking! More warnings inside... One-shot for Ally-chan :P


**Miyako: Well, here it is… the one-shot for Ally-chan…**

**Ikuto: It's got licking…**

**Amu: I don't like this…**

**Miyako: And now it's time for warnings! -pulls out the list-**

**THIS ONE-SHOT CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING:**

**-Licking**

**-Use of words such as 'roflcopter'**

**-Tadase as a creepy old grandma with flabby skin along with doing these things:**

** -threaten to turn people into foods and such**

** -perv over Ikuto**

** -smile like an idiot**

**(and now back to the original list)**

**-Monopoly**

**-The Sopranos**

**-A small mentioning of Edward Cullen along with his mind reading**

**-A **_**very**_** hot guy with no shirt on**

**-Insane strawberries bent on world domination**

**-French fries**

**-Dungeons and Dragons**

**-Grenade Apples**

**-Puddles of vodka**

**-Yelling**

**-Dirty things and offers**

**-OOCness**

**-I think that's it…**

**Miyako: With that being said… another warning… YOU MAY BE SCARRED FOR LIFE WITH THE EVENTS IN THIS ONE-SHOT!**

**Amu: I'm already scarred...**

**Ikuto: Blergh… Miyako doesn't own Shugo Chara, roflcopters or lmaoplanes, eBay, the Sopranos, Edward Cullen, Monopoly, Dungeons and Dragons, vodka or French fries.**

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"Amu! Where's my cake, woman!?" Granny Tadase smacked her skinny hands down on the table, accidentally overturning the bowl of chocolate pudding with the flappy skin hanging off her arms. "If you don't have that cake out here in _five seconds_ I'll come in there and bake you into a cake!"

"P-Please forgive me! B-But, G-Granny-sama, we're a-a-all out of str-strawberries!" Amu walked into the dining room, her face covered in icing and a large spoon in her hand. "I-I'm sorry! I looked everywhere for them!" She hid her face behind the spoon, afraid that Granny would throw another pair of her underwear.

Granny Tadase gave an evil and twisted grin. "Out of strawberries, you say?" Her voice was sweet and cheery, scaring Amu even further. Granny was _never_ cheery. Something must have been wrong. And something definitely was. "Amu, my dear child, do you want to end up like your cousin Yaya?"

Amu gaped in horror. "N-N-No, Granny-s-sama!" Cousin Yaya had been missing for a very long time. No one was sure what had happened, all they knew that she was gone the very day after she had mistakenly added four sugars to Granny's tea, not three.

"Well then Amu, my pretty little child, I suggest you go get some more strawberries. We don't want the cake to be plain now, do we?" Granny Tadase smiled, turning her head at an impossible angle to stare at Amu, the creepy skin flaps jiggling at the motion. "Because if it was plain, a bad thing might happen. I'm sure we'd _hate_ to have something _bad_ happen to you. Like, I don't know… having a demon of hell devour your mortal soul while you sleep?"

"O-Of course not, Granny-sama!" Amu dashed from the room, only to come back a millisecond later with her face cleaned and a small purse in hand. "I-I'll be right back! I promise!" She sprinted out of the house in one second flat, the door almost closing on her foot.

_**In the store.**_

"Dang! Granny-sama didn't tell me which kind to get…" Amu sighed and stared at the wide assortment of strawberries in front of her. "What kind should I buy?" She picked up one and looked at the name above it. "A Roflcopter Strawberry…? What's that?"

"Just watch and it'll show you." A husky voice was at her ear, seductive and threatening to make her faint.

"Wha!?" Amu turned around, surprised to see a blue haired boy smirking at her. She screamed and threw her hands back, flinging the strawberry into the air behind her. "Ikuto!? What are you doing here?!"

"I work here, as a janitor for some reason." He rolled his eyes and leaned close to her, licking the tip of her nose. "By the way, you dropped–_threw_ your strawberry away."

"Oh no! Where'd it go?! It better not be dead!" Amu did a three-sixty, twisting her head around to find the strawberry on the floor.

"It's fine." Ikuto nodded up to the ceiling.

Amu followed his gaze, amazed to see the strawberry floating in the air, its green top rotating as if it was a set of helicopter blades. "How did _that_ happen?"

"It's a roflcopter strawberry. Not very good to use unless you're up for a fight." He shoved his hands in his pockets and ducked under a random table. "You might want to watch out for the omgmissiles."

"The _whats?!_" She stared at him in confusion before feeling something thump into the back of her head. "Ow! What the crap was that?!" Amu turned around again, only to feel another thing thump, this time onto her face. The strawberry was throwing things at her! "Why you little!" She grabbed more strawberries off the display, chucking them at the one in the air. After five more throws, the original one fell with a dramatic thud. Amu jumped up and down. "I won! Yes!"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" Ikuto grabbed her, pulling her down under the table with him.

"What are you talking about?" Amu scratched her head. He pointed out to the air. "Crap." The strawberries that Amu had thrown, much to her dismay, were now airborne, some with rotating tops, and other's making "zoom" noises.

"Just _great_ Amu, you got the roflcopters _and_ the lmaoplanes." Ikuto rolled his eyes.

"Ohemgee. It's like a Strawberry Armageddon! There's no way we're getting out alive…" Amu bit her lip. "I-Ikuto… since we aren't going to make it… I just want to tell you that, I lo–" Something wet hit her face, making its way down her cheek, past her chin, and onto her neck. It sat there for a few seconds, then started wiggling back and forth, lightly tickling her. She didn't laugh, though. Instead, Amu screamed, falling onto her back and accidentally bringing the attacker with her.

"You know, if I licked you at a different time in a different place, this probably would have gone better." Ikuto spoke into her neck, his voice slightly muffled. "But I'm good with this. Cause you taste great." He licked her neck again, lightly biting the skin.

"You disgusting pervert! At least wait until we're alone! Or not in a _grocery store_!" Amu pushed him off, sitting up and peeking out from under the table. She was hit by a volley of omgmissiles and seeds. "Damnit, they're still here."

"I know how we can get rid of them." Ikuto smirked, rolling out from under the table and standing up. He swiftly ripped off his shirt and threw it in the direction of the fruits.

The strawberries immediately turned on him, ready to fire their lasers. But once they saw how beautiful he was, they stopped and stared to admire his blinding godlike features.

Not that they had eyeballs or anything.

Amu stared in wonder. _How the heck can he do that?!_ Then her gaze drifted down to Ikuto's bare chest. Her thoughts immediately turned to mush. _Ohfehmuawoos…_

"Hey Amu, stop drooling and get out here so you can help me." He rolled his eyes at her.

She blushed, still looking at his chest. "Really?"

Ikuto threw a green object to her. An apple? "Pull the plug and throw it at the strawberries."

"Oh…" She crawled out from under the table, her lips in a small pout. _I thought he wanted me to take off my clothes too!_

"Well, if you want to take your clothes off you can." He smirked at her.

_Can he read my thoughts?!_ Amu panicked and stood up, gaping at him. "I-I don't want to!"

"Yes, I can read your thoughts. And you do want to." He grabbed her shirt, tearing it off her body.

"Ha! In your face, Edward Cullen! I'm wearing a second shirt!" Amu laughed at him as her original shirt fell to the ground. There was a light blue one in its place on her body.

"What the hell? I'm not Edward Cullen…" Ikuto sighed, slapping himself on the face. "But Amu, before you do this, there's something I need to say. Amu, I lo–"

"BONZAIII!" Amu ripped the plug off the green apple, throwing it into the mass of dazed strawberries. In a flash they were all dead, now forgotten piles of red squishy stuff on the floor. Ikuto didn't care, his shift was already over. Amu dusted off her hands. "Now what was it you wanted to say?"

"I love you, Amu. Since the day we met, you've meant everything to me." Ikuto kneeled down in front of her on one knee, pulling a small box from his pocket. "Will you marry me?" He opened the little box, revealing a shiny pink ring with little hearts all over it.

"Only if I get to name the kids." Amu crossed her arms and pouted.

"Okay…" He got up, slipping the ring onto her third finger and licking it.

Amu admired it in awe, now shiny from his saliva, until she noticed something. "Where exactly did you get this ring?"

"One of those bubblegum machine things." He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. "Want a gumball?"

"That's not very romantic…"

_**Granny Tadase's House**_

"Granny-sama! I'm home!" Amu skipped through the door, singing and smiley.

"It's about time you got back! Now where are my damn strawberries!?" Granny Tadase sat in her rocking chair, knitting a hat of evil. She made a killing selling them on eBay, literally.

Amu froze. _Crap! I forgot to get them after doing… stuff with Ikuto._ What kind of stuff were they doing? We may never find out. She nervously laughed. "The store was out of strawberries, Granny-sama. They all exploded…" _And then I got proposed to and did stuff!_

Granny jumped out of her chair. "They all exploded!? How do you expect me to believe that piece of humanoid waste?"

"B-But Granny-sama-"

"SILENCE! I will roast you in a pot of melted butter. And not the good kind." Granny stalked over to Amu, her stick arms with all the excess skin reaching towards her. "Come my child, you will make a delicious French fry, or some other greasy substance."

"No! I don't wanna!" Amu stepped back, tripping over a conveniently placed pair of Granny's tidy widies. "Oh why! This is the end for me! Good bye cruel world! Good bye Ikuto! Good bye Ikuto's chest! So perfectly sculpted, so beautiful. And those _abs_." She started to drool. "They looked so hot I could fry an egg on them… If only I had the time to…" Amu sighed and covered her eyes.

"Prepare for your doom, child! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Granny Tadase threw her head back, laughing maniacally before stopping to walk around, peeking under chairs and such. "And now to get the butter. Oh dear, where did I leave it? Amu, come help me find the butter so I can roast you alive and turn you into a Fre–OW!" Granny fell to the floor with a thud.

"Oops, didn't see ya there, old lady." Ikuto bent down, turning her over to make sure she was alright. "Do you need help getting… Never mind. You're kind of ugly, what with all that excess skin…" He walked around her, pushing her bony body under the nearby couch.

"Curse you, fiend! You've found my only weakness! Being under leather couches!" Granny Tadase gave a cry of pain as she started melting. "Oh what a cruel world! I didn't even get to see Ikuto's chest!" She melted into a little puddle of what looked to be the contents of very old vodka.

"Creepy old people. No matter where I go, they always want to see me naked." Ikuto shook his head in disbelief.

"Ikuto?" Amu moved her hand down from her face, only to see her beautiful blue haired angel kicking at a puddle of some liquid. "Ikuto!" She jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. "I was so scared! I didn't want to be a French fry!"

"It's okay Amu. I'm here now." A smirk appeared on his face. "And since I'm here, and we just _happen_ to be alone and not in a grocery store…" He whipped out his tongue, licking all the way up the side of her face.

Amu grinned back at him. "You naughty boy." She attacked his neck, ferociously licking him. Soon they were on the floor, licking each other's faces as if they were the last snow cones on earth. Amu pulled back, panting and her hair a mess. "Oh Ikuto, you make me want to do dirty things."

"What kind of dirty things?" Ikuto smirked against her skin, licking the hollow below her ear.

"The kind of dirty things we were doing before I got here." Amu pulled his face back to hers, roughly kissing him on the mouth.

"You mean playing Monopoly while watching The Sopranos?" Ikuto flipped them, so that Amu was now sitting on top of him.

"That's _exactly_ what I mean." She made an imaginary circle on his arm with her finger.

"We should do something even _dirtier_." He snaked his hand to her shirt, slowly starting to pull it up.

_"DAMN IT IKUTO!"_

_**Normal Land**_

"What now, Amu?" Ikuto sighed, rolling the dice around in his palm.

"You know _exactly_ what! Every freaking time we play Dungeons and Dragons, you _always_ find some stupid way to turn it into something sick! I'm tired of fulfilling your perverted fantasies!" She slammed her hands down on the table and stood up.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "But_ I'm_ the Dungeon Master, Amu. Besides, no one else has a problem with it."

"That's because they aren't the ones being violated!" Amu screamed in aggravation.

"I beg to differ, Hinamori-san." Tadase shook his head and turned to Ikuto. "Why do I have to be a girl? And Amu's grandma?"

"Yaya wants to know why she disappears!" Yaya waved the lollipop she had found under the table in the air.

"At least you're mentioned. I haven't come in at all." Nagihiko drummed his fingers on the table.

Rima yawned. "This is boring anyway."

"See, Ikuto? Nobody else likes this!" Amu walked around to the other side of the table. "Now get out of my house!" She grabbed Ikuto by the collar, dragging him towards the front door.

"Fine…" He opened the door and strolled out, coming back a few seconds later and licking Amu's cheek. "I'll be back so we can 'play Monopoly' later." Ikuto winked and stepped back out.

"YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERTED FREAK!!"

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**Miyako: Man I was high… I just wrote whatever went through my head… which gave me amazing inspiration...  
**

**Amu: We can see that…**

**Ikuto: I liked it!**

**Amu: That's cause you licked me!**

**Ikuto: And you licked me… if only it had gotten dirtier…**

**Miyako: Now that this is out… time for orange juice! -runs off-**

**Ikuto: R&R and you get to see me with no shirt on!**

**Amu: He's lying! Don't do it!**

**Ikuto: -takes off shirt-**

**Amu: ohemgee… TAKE OFF THE REST!**

**Ikuto: And you say I'm a pervert…**


End file.
